A Too Late Kinda Love
Have you ever closed your eyes really tight and focused really hard on a moment in the past hoping that somehow you could go back and experience the feeling again? There's a good chance that you haven't (or maybe you have) because people usually don't do the weird things that I do. What I know from trying to relive a moment in this manner is that it never happens. Perhaps I will get close enough to the moment that I can hear the sounds of voices, or I may even recapture a visual in my head, but I never feel the feeling. I can never relive the moment my heart skipped a beat when a special someone walked through the door or feel the butterfly in the pit of my stomach again from finally catching eyes with the right one. There is a certain beauty that lies in a moment that you absolutely must fully experience in its entirety, because when that moment is gone....it is gone.
Sometimes I wish I could capture time in a bottle, secure it with a lid, and use it at my discretion. Time almost always goes against my desires. When I want it to slow down, it speeds up. When I want it to speed up, it slows down. It has only been recently that I have learned the true meaning of God's timing vs. my timing. I don't always like how the two may differ, but I do have a better understanding of my lack of control over time and when certain things will happen.
Moments and time. Time and moments. They both come and go quickly, and if you're not careful, you will miss your time for greater trying to re-live moments that are better left in the past. Or you will miss wonderful moments anticipating the sadness that will come after the time has run its course. It's about pacing yourself; not going too fast or too slow.
When I think about moments and time, and when I think about life, love, and relationships, I am completely willing to relinquish certain fears in order to achieve an extreme goal of never being the one who loves with a too late kinda love. You know the kind of love that didn't love when it had the chance; the kind that took for granted the good thing until it was all of a sudden gone. It may be seeing a loved one on their dying bed and realizing that your love could have been a little stronger. It could be watching someone that you could have loved better love someone with the same love that you once received from that person. A too late kinda love is not the kinda love I ever want to have for anyone, simply because it does not matter. It only leaves you stuck in time trying to re-live moments that you'll never completely feel again.
Love while you can. Love while it's there. Even if it doesn't stay, at least be able to say, "Man, I really gave the best love I knew to give" because when that guilt hits and you're left chasing time, you'll see that nothing good comes from a too late kinda love.