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It Wasn't All Bad


I rummaged through old texts today. The outrageous and hopeless lover in me fully expected to see the electronic transmittal of pure unadulterated declarations of love. What I saw instead were arguments, disagreements, and silent agreements to disagree. What I saw was insecurity camouflaged as concern. I saw myself desperately holding on to his leg for dear life as he attempted to walk away. I saw myself as a child hoping to not be left home alone. I rummaged through old texts today and found a girl loving in fear, hoping in despair, and trusting in herself. It was in an instant that I found the sweetest revelation through HIM. Every time our time was interrupted by hiatus and dark clouds; it was just giving me room to grow. IT's funny that I couldn't see it then; but HE could. I needed every hiatus to teach me how to stand alone so that I can better stand for HIM and by him. I needed the dark clouds to send the rain that would cultivate my seeds of hope. Every time I couldn't place my finger on his logic...Every time he disappeared as the noon wind, I finally realized that it wasn't all bad. I needed room to grow without the invasion of his pressing needs. Would I had preferred he never leave? Of course. But the cost of stunted growth was far too expensive and I'm grateful that he did not submit the transaction. Oddly enough, I now believe that it's been love all along; and while I would love to credit such strategic care to him, I understand that it all came as an order from HIM. I rummaged through old texts today and found out that it wasn't all bad.


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