Single With A BAE: Concerned vs. Nosy
All defintions brought to you by my good friend GOOGLE.
Concerned- Worried, troubled, or anxious
Nosy- Showing too much curiosity about other people's affairs.
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I've been searching frantically for a good approach for this one. You know, a tactful one. Hmmm...BUT...This is MY blog and I can say what I want, right?
It has been my experience and knowledge from close friends/family that people will encourage a bad situation and criticize a good one. You can be giving your time to a man who has a serious relationship, is engaged, or is married... or one who blatantly disrespects you, takes your money constantly, belittles you, etc....AND PEOPLE...sometimes good ole CHURCH FOLK...will encourage the foolery! They will get with you and diss his woman so that you can feel better about your foolish self. They will know you're giving this man all of your money but you ain't paid your tithes in forever or even bought yourself a new pair of shoes...but they will ENCOURAGE you to hold him down. They will see that you are being broken. They will see that you're getting played in the worst way. They will see that you in these streets looking a mess. BUT. THEY. WILL. NEVER. SAY. A. WORD.
Most of these people are disguised as your friends.
Now...to be fair, it isn't the job of your friends to steer you in the right direction. We can't put that kind of responsibility on other people. However, what I am saying in this blog is that: we will turn a blind eye to toxic situations under the guideline: I'm not getting in her business. Okay, that's fine cause PUHLEEEZE don't get in MINE! lol... but when you see me HAPPY and in a HEALTHY and PRODUCTIVE situation; live by the same guideline.
What I see...and what I have experienced is that when people find themselves in good situations; when there is a bae who actually has the potential to become more; when you're becoming a better person because of bae....THAT is when your friends bring you about 50 shades of negativity. I use the term friend very loosely. This is why most times when people find themselves in good relationships; it often comes with the loss of friends.
Why is that? Because misery doesn't want to be alone. Misery wants to hold your hand. Misery wants to tuck you in the bed and give you a goodnight kiss. Misery wants to sit in on your phone conversations. Misery wants to go to church with you. Misery wants to go to work with you...Misery doesn't want to let you go!!! One glimpse at what could be real happiness and Misery turns up!
"Well girl, he cool BUT how you know what he doing if yall don't live in the same city?"
It's MY blog, I can say what I want, right?
"Well girl, he cool BUT something just don't sound right."
"Well girl, he cool BUT I heard..."
"Well girl..I wasn't gone say nothing BUT...I'm just...(here it is)...CONCERNED!!!"
It is important to check one's motive when they say they are concerned. One who is concerned most times are not going to ask about event specific information. Most often than not, an individual who is concerned will only say something that can directly help you without intentionally hurting your feelings or intentionally shifting your view of your bae. MOST often...people are just NOSY.
Concerned: Just make sure you're staying focused and everything else will fall into place.
Nosy: Well what is he gone do? He gonna marry you or what?
True story: I was hit up one day. I was led to believe the call was about one thing and within seconds I was bombarded with questions and information about the bae. I mean, bad stuff. I'm the type...I like to let people talk until they're finished. After revealing all of this information, caller says: I just don't wanna see you hurt. I'm just concerned. My advice here: never give your true reaction to people bringing you negative information because the same way they are telling you what they heard...they are surely going to tell your reaction. People are just like that. My daddy tried as long as he could to protect me from "people"...But I had to learn.
It's not about being blind to the truth. But it's about standing up for your relationship and saying that you won't just trust any and everything that comes your way. Because there are some people...as close as yall may be...who can't handle when you get a taste of happiness because it could possibly force them to taste the bitterness of what they don't have. It's about saying...okay, I hear you BUT until I see something for MYSELF...you need to fall back. And as I always say: It's about having a relationship with GOD. God is so smart and so awesome that he doesn't have to use someone else to bring you bad news. He can make sure you know what you need to know without any doubts. He will bring it right to you...to your own eyes! SOOOO yeah. It's about protecting 1. your sanity and 2. your situation
KNOW THE DIFFERENCE! and ask yourself....the ones who are concerned now that you're praying more, concerned now that you're not seeking carnal advice every hour about your bae, concerned now that you're actually learning more about yourself, concerned now that you're actually growing..... you MUST ask...how can you be concerned NOW...but wasn't concerned when I was drowning in unhappiness and confusion??? Ask yourself and act accordingly.
It's the age old cliche...some people are just in your life for seasons...and those people who can only support you while in bad relationships, well they aren't your friend! If all they have are cynical remarks towards your bae and your situation...They are not your friend. PERIOD. Protect what you're building. If you don't, no one else will. AND even if the relationship doesn't go all the way...at least now you know the friends who can handle seeing you happy and those who cannot.
I found myself in a situation once where I was against a relationship that someone very close to be was apart of. I mean VERY MUCH against it. And when I vented to bae about it...his advice was harsh but it helped. He told me to STFU and let it blow over. So friends who are watching your friend be in something that YOU feel like may not work...I share the same advice. It's okay to be concerned, but it's never okay to be nosy and overbearing.
Prayer: God help us to mind our business. God help us to choose our friends wisely; ones who will pray for us and fight for us in the spirit. Help us to show genuine concern for our friends. Help us to protect our relationships and cover them in prayer. Expose those people who mean us no good and give us the courage to act accordingly and the peace to accept your will. Amen.