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Single With A Bae: Turn Off the Fan

For about a year straight...any time I went to church, I received prophesies about relationships and marriage. It became such a reoccurring thing that I would nearly expect it every time I stepped through the church's doors. I knew that it was becoming a problem though, when I only felt like I could receive a word through someone else. The prophesies weren't a problem, but my reliance on them were. I would hear God speaking to me but not trust it because the word had not been validated by certain prophets. So in true Gemini fashion, I began pulling away from people. I wanted to hear God for myself. I wanted to know my next move directly from him. It's when I learned how to fast and pray. By denying myself of fleshly things, I felt really close to God and was overwhelmed with revelations to me about my life, love, and future. For over two months now, I have been blogging about being single with a Bae. I've talked about not losing yourself in Bae. I've discussed being fearless. I've written about addressing insecurities and my personal favorite was speaking silently. But now I ask: When do you let it go? When Bae has made significant strides and you really believe he is the one...when you both seem equally yoked, when you've noticeably grown together, when you've fasted and prayed together, BUT something is still in the way. WHAT DO YOU DO? Do you try harder? Do you let it go? Now I am the girl who gives all the chances of life. Not because I'm stupid...far from it...but I understand human error, because I, too, am a flawed human. By nature, I am a forgiver and if my heart still beats just a milli-second for you then I'm willing to keep working at it. I exhaust every possibility imaginable. People may not think that's good on my heart, but it's how I love and God has always given me the strength to love again. Now the flip side to that is: once I'm done...I. AM. DONE. No shade to you or your decisions, but I take my lessons learned and bounce. Don't text me just to check up on me. Lol I'm straight, breh. Don't address my sisters as your sisters! Y'all were not birthed from the same parents. I really prefer if you didn't keep liking photos I'm tagged in through their pages, HEY but that's just me. WHY? Because I have exhausted every possibility with you; even the possibility of friendship. So when you're at the point of hmmm try harder or let go... My daddy always said to us: you got to know when a relationship is sick and when a relationship is dead. There is no point in performing CPR on something that has no life. Now sometimes we can know something is dead and swear it's up and running. Stop lying. However, when you believe that something is left, but you need clarity and direction...the best thing to do is get before God and listen. My sister and I had a conversation the other day and she said it's time for me to be swept off my feet now. I said yeah, I understand. And that conversation stayed with me all night long. Recall the last time you swept the floor. Did you have a big fan blowing all of the trash as you swept? No because that's stupid. You can't effectively sweep what is moving. As with us ladies...we wanna be swept off of our feet but we are too busy. We are talking too much. We're texting too much. We're liking too many of his posts. We're whining too much. We're prying too much. We are doing too much. Should I try harder or let it go? Get in your safe place and sit. Give Bae the opportunity to come and sweep you away. And if Bae doesn't come...Bae ain't Bae and that is okay. Let it go. If you have to cry, then cry. But don't act a fool. I've had to learn to turn off the fan. The analogy is funny to me because God has been dealing with me heavily about humility. But I'm thinking now that if I really want to be swept away by Bae then the fan has to be turned off. I don't want to be the dust that keeps blowing everywhere and never actually gets swept. Instead, I'll be the dust particle sitting humbly and patiently in the corner waiting to be swept away by the one who cares enough to make it happen.

For a person like me, not being in control is hard. Not micro managing every little thing is hard. Not knowing the next move by yourself or the ones around you is hard. Trusting God, no matter how long you have been in church, can sometimes be HARD when your heart aches to be in control. But I assure you that there is freedom in the surrender. There is a peace that goes beyond your wildest expectation by seriously trusting that the same God who creating the stars and the moon created you too. And just as that was good, you too are good. Your life is good. The matters of your heart are good. "For every win, someone must fail. But there comes a point will exhale."

(I trust that. You should trust that.) If you have a Bae, call his name before God and ask for clarity. Should I be giving him my energy? Is he bring me closer to you God or pushing me away? Listen for God's voice. Make peace with what you hear. Prayer: God in the name of Jesus...thank you for choosing me to pour into your women. Thanks for trusting me with my tests that have given me many testimonies to share. In those places that are still unsure to me, I trust you to make it clear. God cover every woman who has read this blog. Let the words that you have given me be medicine to their pained, wounded, or unsure hearts. Let the words be encouragement to the frustrated spirit. Give us strength to keep trusting you even when we can't trace you. Show us how to hold on to what you have for us amid the difficulties and give us courage to walk away from what you have not intended for us. Be glorified through this blog and let testimonies be revealed. In Jesus' name...Amen.

***I hope you have enjoyed this blog series. There is a book to follow including excerpts from this series, more scriptures, more prayers, and exercises to help you check yourself that I use often. Subscribe to my emailing list for updates.***

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