The EX who won't go away...insert a smug look and two real big eye rolls... I'm going to be a little brutal with this one. Tough love is sometimes the best love...and trust, I have to give tough love to myself quite often. It wouldn't be fair to offer anyone else tough love if I don't give it to myself. So here we go:
The EX who won't go away...I've pretty much seen all angles.
1. She won't go away because she's invited to stay.
It has been my experience that in some cases, the ex won't go away because they are invited to stay. She could still be receiving text messages, calls, sex, etc. from YALL's man. So before you decide to tear her cat raggedy...you need to have a true heart to heart with your bae and make sure it's just you and him. You need to make sure he's doing his part to really be done with the ex. I know...I know...he could lie! Well, yes he could...BUT...he could also tell the truth.That's why I encourage a relationship with God... because God will NOT allow you to walk and talk with him daily; hear a lie and not know it's a lie. If you ask, God will give you a discerning spirit and you will know the truth.
2. Exes who won't go away have issues letting go.
Sometimes when you have put every ounce of hope that you have into someone, you refuse to let it slip out of your hands. So you do stupid things. You remember promises made at the beginning. So you do stupid things. You don't want to start over with someone else. So you do stupid things. Simply put.
Letting go can be hard and perhaps, people are a bit insensitive when they tell you "Oh, girl get over it. He aint $#!t noway!" It's not that easy and I'm not going to suggest that it is. But there comes a point when you have to push with everything you have to see yourself the way that God sees you. You have to see yourself as a woman made by the creative hands of God. He didn't make you to be held in comparison to anyone. He didn't make you to feel like you need the validation of a bae in order to be relevant to the world. Somewhere beyond the memories, beyond the tears, beyond the pain....there is purpose that has been placed inside of you. And if you can find just a small enough piece of courage to let go of what God did not intend for you to have forever, I believe and am also a witness that when you let go, God's arms are open to catch you.
You have to put aside the love story that YOU wrote and exchange it with the love story that GOD has written. His stories are sooooo much better! **fact** A couple of years after you let it go, you will be a little shame when you look back and realize that you were the ex that wouldn't let go.
3. Stop waiting for closure to let it go.
Closure. What's that? LOL...seriously! This point is quick: Ain't no closure BIH! lol sorry saints, don't stone me! No but seriously, closure typically doesn't come until you're completely unaware that closure still needed to happen. Letting go before receiving closure is like taking a step of faith. It is seriously trusting that God's plan is best. If you were hurt really bad...or had vicious rumors told on you...or anything like that in the process of ending a relationship; you have to let go of what people are saying behind your back. Let go of faces that they are making to you. Don't respond to people. Just chill. Focus on finding your happy place and one day WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT...closure will come. I can't give anymore details on that moment because it's just that moment when it happens you'll be like...wait...what? lol I promise. Just remember that letting go is the prelude to closure not the other way around.
4. When the ex don't want you to act right...
In point number 1, I say that perhaps ex is being invited to stay...but in the event that she is not being invited to stay but she is instead being the person mentioned in points 2 and 3...and not to mention, trying to provoke you...then what do you do? How do I not act a fool when this girl keep trying me? huh? HOW??? You need to understand that if she can get you to be extra insecure then you will ultimately turn the bae all the way OFF; and even if he doesn't go back to the ex...he has dropped you and she still wins. Next thing I will say is this: if bae has said he's going to handle it; let him handle it...in his own timing. Don't make her YOUR problem. I don't care how bad she wants your attention, do NOT give it to her! If you gotta turn up...do it to someone else; not her and definitely not to social media! For example: Go off while you're driving alone or something. You got to be UNBOTHERED in THIS season of being single with a bae...cause that ole enemy tryna see how he can keep you from your happily ever after. Don't be petty!!! When talking to your bae...if she comes up dont say stuff like "there go your lil girlfriend" and all that....it's petty! it's lame! And the very last thing....and I think I saved the best for last....PRAY FOR HER!!! Pray for her to find happiness the way you want to find happiness. Pray that God will lead her to happily ever after the same way you want God to lead you to happily ever after. Bind that foolishness. Bind that wanna cut this heifa spirit. Bind the confusion that wants to come between you and bae. . . AND REMEMBER...you're NOT married yet!!! Soooo sit down somewhere lol
Prayer: God give us discerning spirits to know the difference between what's real and what's fake. Give us the courage to let go. Give us the patience to wait for closure and help us to act with some sense when we are tried. Amen.
NEXT POST---SINGLE WITH A BAE: Blacka than a mugg