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I Don't Need THAT

"Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had been sick for a very long time. So he asked him, “Do you want to be well?”

The sick man answered, “Sir, there is no one to help me get into the water when it starts moving. I try to be the first one into the water.

But when I try, someone else always goes in before I can.” Then Jesus said, “Stand up! Pick up your mat and walk.” ' John 5:6-8

Hey Hey! It's been a while, right? I'm not going to say that I'm about to finally get consistent with my blog posts. I'm tired of lying, okay! lol BUT... I do have something to say! In the above referenced scripture, this man had been waiting to get into the pool for his healing. Jesus is like hey, do you want to be better? He's like, I can't get in the water cause no one will help me yada yada. Jesus is like, get up and walk. Maybe you have read this bible story before, maybe not. But it's the premise to what I need to tell you. I have always read this story and thought about how this man offered excuses rather than a straight answer to Jesus' question. The other day, though, something hit me.

You don't need THAT in order to be well.

That's right, you don't need THAT in order to be well.

Much like the man waiting to get help into the pool for his healing, I, too, have sat waiting on certain things in order to feel like I'm GOOD. For so long, I thought I needed validation--not from strangers, but from the ones I love most in order to legitimize the work that I do or the passion that I have. I thought I needed to be married in order to help someone on their single journey. I thought I needed over 100k followers on Instagram in order to be influential. I thought I needed an apology to heal from heartbreaks. You know, that one last conversation for "closure" that never really happens. I thought I needed control over everything in order to feel safe.

But God being God, he doesn't have to use the thing that we have clung to so strongly in order to heal, bless, validate, or affirm us. He told that man to get up and walk. Like sir, you don't even need the water.

So then I began to question, "How much time did this man waste waiting for what he didn't need in order to have what he wanted?" More importantly, how much time have I wasted waiting for what I never needed in order to have what I've always wanted? The idea of wasted time is my single biggest fear. I mean, shoot. You can't buy time. You can't exchange it or return it. It's time. And right while I was about to freak out about all the time I may have wasted waiting on a certain end goal, God whispered, "I heal in my timing. I deliver in my timing. I breakthrough in my timing. I perform in my timing."

You see, that man at the pool hadn't missed a moment. The miracle came at the right time. If he had have tried to stand and walk before time, it wouldn't have worked out; and it's the same with you and me. We haven't missed a thing. We haven't missed the chance to love and be loved. We haven't missed the opportunity to start or expand a business. Time has not passed us by to begin a family. Seriously, here's a middle finger to the ticking biological time clock that is starting to sound more like a bomb. Time has not held up anything that God wants us to have.

The man told Jesus that even when he tried, someone would get in the pool before him. I mean, can we all relate? When I try to be mature, somebody comes for me. When I try to be gentle, I'm met with aggression. When I try to be humble, I'm slapped with arrogance. When I try to save money, I'm attacked with unexpected bills or gas that's 87.99 a gallon. Lord, send a revival! Pause. Breathe. Pause. Okay, let's continue!

I am so glad that our trying has been noted by God, and his command for us to get up and walk is revoking another failed attempt by us at attaining our heart's desires.

In the meantime, I pray that we can all surrender our picture of how we will gain the ending that we so deeply crave. I pray that we won't regret what we feel is time wasted. I pray that we will find complete healing and restoration from the brokenness of failed attempts. I pray that when God tells us to move into our blessed season--that we won't question if it's real or not, but we will get up without question and enjoy our desired future that has finally made it to the present tense.

With all my love,


In the meantime, remember that you are loved, chosen, beautiful, and enough...and I think you're kinda dope too! And as a forever ode to my cousin Lisa, I tell you as she told me in the last email we exchanged...

keep being YOU!

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