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I Used to Love HIm

The clock was showing me near midnight when I left my prayer closet. This night was a little different because as I prayed, I received so much revelation about the future of my heart. The joy of it all was that I know the future isn't so far away. Laying down in the bed for the night with a fresh perspective, sleep was actually a bit hard to find because I was so excited.

Then there was an Instagram notification.

Knowing that I hadn't recently made a post, I wasn't really quick to check the notification. Eventually I did though...only to see a request from him.

I used to love him.

His message said that he misses me.

Without the usual sense of gratification of knowing how he had to break his pride to send the message, I just closed the app and went to sleep.

You see, I remember when I waited for a message like that from him. I even remember as I was finally getting over him, I would revel in reminding him of the mistake he made by not choosing me. I remember still wanting to prove to him that I was best thing that he would never get to have. I remember creating goals that I only wanted to reach so that he and his "choice" would always hear my name and cringe at how I had overcome the pain that accompanied the love I once had for him.

You see, I am well aware that this direct message was sent in secret. This direct message couldn't be revealed to the choice that he made. And that's when God made me understand that although his choice hurt me years ago, it was because there was a better choice for me all along.

Some days I'm sure I've met that better choice. Some days I doubt that the better choice even exists for me. What I do know is this: the choice I made to ignore that message let me know that I'm ready for all God showed me that very night in my prayer room.

I used to love him.


(Originally written 10/2017)



 
 
 

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Kristen

ITMT has provided an amazing community that’s full of encouragement, laughter and motivation! Community has been something I’ve lacked as I have journeyed to my promise from God, but I’m grateful that God has sent me a wonderful community such as ITMT so I don’t have to fight and progress alone. ITMT’s community is an answered prayer.

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Quita

ITMT has impacted me in a great way, mainly as it relates to the importance of community. For single women to have a safe place to just be... is without a doubt one of the greatest things to have in one’s single season. I love that we not only pray and trust God as we wait for our marriages, but we also laugh, cry, and hold one another accountable to being who and what God has called us to be overall. I love us so much!

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Jasmine

ITMT has been the community I prayed for and received without noticing. When it comes to increase in faith, confidence, and being honestly transparent, ITMT was the place to be!! I’ve gained holy counsel, lifelong relationships and stepped into a part of myself I wasn’t aware was in me. It’s been a mental, physical and spiritual growth journey that I plan to remain with! Thank you BReel for your obedience, it lead to my obedience and so many more!! #obedience is greater than sacrifice!

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Vonya

ITMT has been a huge blessing in my life from the very beginning. Over the past year, it has given me more than I ever expected or realized I needed. During my time of being single, I've learned important principles that are helping me become the woman God wants me to be. As I’ve worked on myself, I've started to see myself more clearly, just as God sees me. This has helped me trust my own thoughts and decisions more. I’ve also learned to listen to God's guidance when it comes to my love life. I’m really thankful for BReel, who has been such a fighter for the Christian single woman.

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Sylvia

ITMT has helped me see the blessing in waiting. I’ve gained a healthier perspective of the assignment of marriage which has also allowed me to see the value in waiting. I can now comfortably and confidently say I don’t mind waiting for what God has promised me.

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Phylicia Jas

ITMT has been a blessing to my soul and provided me with community and accountability I had no idea I needed. To be able to do life with so many amazing women, in the meantime is a continued reminder of Gods love for me. There is nothing better than a REAL safe space where you can authentically be yourself as you grow closer to God in the meantime.

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Ashlee

ITMT has blessed me by providing me with a strong sense of community and support. It allowed me to gain deeper connections with others, strengthen my connection with God, and it has allowed me to activate my spiritual gifts.

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