“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” -Maya Angelou
Hey hey good people. It’s your girl B.Reel and I pray as you read this that your day, week, month, and year has gotten off to an amazing start. If it has not, fret not, there is still time left for everything to be exactly what you are believing it can be. There have been over 730 risings and settings of the sun since I’ve last written in this way. The earth has traveled twice around the sun since I last allowed my heart to flow onto the keyboard of which I sit here and type. And let me tell you, in two years so much has changed, while so much has remained the same.
I wrote once about how much I believe in love. At the time when I made that declaration, I had not yet seen some of the joy-threatening times that were lurking in the night and awaiting my arrival. The events that followed my vow to always believe in love shook me. It challenged me. Yet, it didn’t break me.
I still believe in love; even more now than before. As my mind travels back to my initial days of singleness to this very moment, I can only admit how much I have been developed through every lesson. Sure, I’ve been wrong more times than I’ve been right in this journey of love, but I believe that it only takes ONE time to have it right before stepping right into the promises of God. There is no room for cynicism when you commit yourself to becoming the best version of yourself, in the meantime.
Here are five lessons I want to share.
Stop creating story lines. What has helped me over the years is to realize that I often ignored a man’s truth to me. Because I believed my love was so magnetic, I thought I could morph his truth into my vision of him. Because I love to help people, I turned their issues into my project. Sis, he doesn’t need you to be his savior. Only God can love him the way he needs to be loved. So if he says you’re not what he wants, listen to him. And if he never says that you’re what he wants, listen to what he hasn’t said. It’s okay to be hopeful, but listen to him. Listen to his words. Listen to his actions.
If he loves you, he won’t consistently beat you up for having the need for communication. You know what I’m talking about. Every time you need to discuss your heart, he flips out on you. Yeah that’s not cool, period. If talking about things that can progress the relationship is NEVER an option, then he may not be willing to do the work or you’re not who he wants to do work with.
Relax. This one has a few different elements. Every man you meet isn’t your husband. Relax! Stop planning the wedding as soon as he double taps your picture. To address the need for communication, RELAX and choose your battles. Everything doesn’t need to be discussed the exact moment you feel it. Feelings are fickle. They change rapidly. Don’t start a huge discussion or possible argument off a temporary emotion. Relax! (I’m still working on that one myself but I have seen things work better when I chill out.) Sis, so this is the man God has told you will be your husband? Still, you should relax! God performs his word so you don’t have to.
Find your normal. Stop allowing memes to dictate the moves you make with relationships. If you don’t have a significant other, that doesn’t mean you MUST do certain things to find a man. It’s gonna happen even if it’s at the gas station. If you’re in a relationship, don’t compare your relationship to others. Sure, your friend’s man calls her 80 times a day but it doesn’t mean your boyfriend loves you any less. He may actually have a life 🌚
Stop waiting until marriage to THRIVE. If I waited until I was married to really live my life, I’m so sure that I wouldn’t have the experiences that have shaped me into the woman I’ve become and I fully expect my future husband to love the fullness of who I am; the me that has been shaped through all my experiences.
I don’t write from a place of perfection. I’m yet single and learning how to manage MYSELF daily. But I am so grateful for every time I’ve gotten it wrong, because it has taught me a lesson that has led me one step closer to getting it right. So I urge you in the words of my eternal and heavenly mentor, Maya Angelou, “Have enough courage to love one more time and always one more time.”
That’s what it is! Remember in the meantime that you’re loved, you’re chosen, you’re beautiful, you’re enough...and I think you’re kinda dope too! 🥰🌚